September 24, 2012
Now I know
You know, the truth can really set you free.
I wasted about 6 months to arrive at a rather simple truth that I would have known, had I listened more carefully to my intuition right from the beginning.
Never mind the wasted time, for now, though a little late, is not all too late yet.
I was liberated the moment the light of truth struck me - that you are, in fact, more clueless and less resourceful than I when it comes to what this is all about. I could have done them all myself (maybe with some help from all the more useful heads I have around me, the people who play so much better in this field), if I had chosen to, and if I had realised earlier that it was a case of blind leadership. Wait a minute. There is no leadership. Just you trying to act like there is some direction.
Never mind that too. For now, I know better and I can totally take over from here. Just to keep you in where you belong and perhaps, would always choose to belong. Because this is not your passion. This is not really what you believe in. This is just what you sell.
There, is where we are similar. Because for me, this is just a job.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:04
September 23, 2012
One of those conversations...
Emman and I were preparing dinner together on a rather warm Sunday evening.
I wanted to try steaming eggs with minced pork - a personal favourite that I never get bored of (mummy's recipe, of course).
Something must have gone wrong, so I thought, cos the dish didn't seem to be hardening and I could see it's still pretty liquid-ly. So, feeling rather rejected (whatever lor... too bad this time!), I left the kitchen.
few minutes later...
em: Darling, I think the egg is cooking.
me: Are you sure?
em: Ya.
me: What? It's telling you that it's hardening up?
em: Ya, I know.
me: How?
em: I know, cos I'm the... steamed egg whisperer.
Emman gets cuter and more lovable to me recent weeks. I wonder how and why.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 19:25
September 13, 2012
Emo
While I was counting my blessing in the previous post, I thought I should just mention how oddly emo I am today. Not today. Just the last 2 hours.
My fb status: You should have trusted your gut instinct that very first time.
While I can't say that I dread coming to work every morning and in particular, Monday mornings, I too can't say that I am enjoying myself or at least, happy at work. Indifference is always the start to the downward spiral of how one feels about work, isn't it?
It must be PMS, because it's the easiest justification for everything bad that happens internally. I can almost feel that familiar feeling of worthlessness and stupidness creeping up on me. Everybody seems to have a purpose at work, or at least, contributing to some purpose at work, whether they like it or not. How about me?
Honestly, I'm only relieved in where I am now because I just really needed to live like a normal employee, with CPF, with medical claims reimbursed, with paid leave and most importantly, with the option to meet Emman or friends for dinner on a weekday evening or go back home to have dinner and still have time to watch telly before I needed to hit the sack. In as far as the good of my job now goes, it's to let me live a rather regular lifestyle. The afternoons and evenings of commuting around Singapore, with a rather heavy bag full of props and toys, catching quick lunch, quick dinner, regardless of weather, not being able to meet friends or go home for dinner in the evenings... the thought of those still deter me a little.
But, yet. There must be a better way to work with a purpose, for a purpose and still have a little of that regularity. What is the cost then? What is the opportunity cost?
Why is this all-too-familiar feeling always creeping up just around this time of the year? Does it come with birthday celebrations or what?
xxx
So, emman sent me an email with an attachment of a song called 'Karena Ku Cinta Kau', just when I was feeling emo and on the verge of all kinds of bad feelings and thoughts.
I guess, you never know what and when the littlest of things that you do can touch and comfort me so much. I try, really try, really hard to remember all these moments, especially when I'm reasonably or unreasonably upset or angry with you. So that these moments help to make me remember what a wonderful friend I have in you too! Best friend or not, I don't know. But they just make me remember all the little ways you love me (more) and how blessed I am.
God blessed me, with you. ^^
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:11
so it is, again.
This should have come yesterday, or the day before. But, as usual, retrospective posting is more collected than actual day.
Happy 32nd birthday to me.
A spontaneous decision to have the afternoon off from my fish tank, to dive into the spectator seat outside what used to be Borders bookstore at Orchard, with a pretty decent portion of snapper with pesto sauce on clam chowder linguine and some tea freeze, people-watching those strolling by Orchard Road. Best of all - free birthday meal as a perk from being a Coffee Club member. Then, bought fruits to experiment in my new favourite gadget - shake maker.
That's how I celebrated my own birthday, myself.
Of course, there are so many others. Wishes from many others, with whom relationships I have, and am very thankful for.
Quite some time ago, I saw on a birthday card, a greeting that pretty much sums all there is to birthday greetings. "Have exactly the kind of birthday that you want it to be."
Sept 11, 2012 was such a day for me. Simple, filled with good wishes and... simple.
Well, and a little surprise in the form of 2 USS admission tickets, by the same person who has improved in following instructions over the last 4 years and more.
So, I'm looking forward to October to fuck... work (of cos!) and go scream my lungs out!
I know I said with much disdain about going to USS. But, you know, if it's free, fun is always welcomed, no matter S or US.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:50
Also in this eden
Even before
other edens
Kudos